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If you’ve ever been a bridesmaid, this scenario might ring a bell (pun semi-intended): your sweet friend asks you to stand by their side on what might be the most important day of their life. You’re flattered, you toast with champagne, and you agree to join in the fun. Then, somewhere between dress shopping and planning the bachelorette, something shifts. You begin to feel like a personal assistant, and it’s the worst. But now that it’s your turn as bride, you know better. There are things you should never ask your bridesmaids to do, and it’s important to keep them in mind.

Unfortunately, weddings are usually stressful, and your bridal party is there to support you. In moments of stress, it can be easy to lean on your wedding party a little too much — the stakes are high, after all. It’s OK to ask for a pep talk, or to celebrate having your best friends in Miami for a weekend to revel in your final days of unwedded bliss together. However, there are certain things you absolutely should not ask your posse to do out of respect and acknowledgment of the investment they’ve made in your special moment. Here are the big no-nos.

Spend Exorbitant Amounts Of Money

Technically, you asked each member of your wedding party to agree to be a part of your “crew,” but it was more of a rhetorical question — no matter where they’re at in life, your friends want to be a part of your special day. With that in mind, do your best to choose bridesmaids dresses and lodging that aren’t incredibly expensive, unless you’re willing to foot part of the bill. Asking people to spend $400 on a dress you picked out is just inconsiderate.

Change Their Physical Appearance

Of course, your bridal party will appreciate it if you hire them a hair and makeup artist for the big day. But beyond that, asking your friends or family to grow their hair or lose weight is entirely inappropriate. It signals that you care more about your photos than your friends, which is entirely untrue. Don’t forget what’s important!

Insist That They Attend Every Event Leading Up To The Wedding

Similar to keeping costs low for your bridal party, asking your bridesmaids to attend an engagement party, shower, and bachelorette is a lot. If all of these events happen to be destination bashes, it’s an even bigger faux pas. Let your bridesmaids know that you’d love them to attend as much as they can, but that you understand they all have busy lives and jobs and may not be able to make every occasion.

Ask Them To Run Errands For You

While it’s fine to throw out a group text to your wedding party asking if anyone is available to help you address envelopes or arrange favors, don’t make anyone feel like a worker bee. If someone offers to go grab coffees the morning of the big day, of course you can let them, but don’t expect that your bridal party do all of the last minute jobs.

Get Involved With Family Drama

Weddings and family go together like birthdays and young children — while they can be great fun, sometimes it’s all too much fun and someone cries. If there is any family drama on the horizon at your wedding, don’t ask your wedding party to get involved. If things get murky between bridesmaids, it’s OK to ask your Maid of Honor to sort things out, but when it comes to your mother-in-law, draw a line in the sand. (Or rather, on the dance floor.)

Written by: Kimmy Foskett