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If you’ve ever witnessed a first look in action from the window in your hotel room at a wedding, you know that it’s an adorable moment. There’s something incredibly romantic about watching a couple at the exact moment they see each other for the first time on their big day. The nerves, the anticipation, the reveal, and of course, the tears. A first look is also a great opportunity to grab really candid, sweet pictures of the exact second you and your partner let the reality of the day set in. Despite all this, however, you may be wary of having a first look.

The reasons some couples are hesitant to have a first look are valid — traditionally, the first time a couple sees each other on their wedding day is at the ceremony itself. “They” say it’s bad luck for a couple to see each other before then, but then again, who are “they” anyways? There’s also something to be said for the surprise element of saving the first time a pair sets eyes on each other for the walk down the aisle. It may be harder to catch on camera, but it’s still going to be as special of a moment for the people involved.

So should you have a first look? Well, there’s no right answer to this question. There’s only a right answer for you and your partner. If you’re still deciding, here are some pros and cons to help you weigh your decision.

Pro: You Get The Couples Photos Before The Celebrations Begin

You know that moment at a wedding between the ceremony and cocktail hour when all you want to do is congratulate the couple, but they’re nowhere to be found? That’s usually because they’re taking pictures. You’ve planned this day for a long time, and while it is definitely about your partnership, it’s also about all of your guests and wedding party. If you do a first look, you’ll be able to get the pictures out of the way and relax and enjoy the rest of your day.

Con: You’ve Already Seen Each Other Before Arriving At The Ceremony

There is something undeniably special and traditional about seeing each other for the very first time at the aisle. This is an important moment in your life, and the element of surprise and excitement might be more important to you than snagging early photos.

Pro: It Can Help Get Rid Of Some Nerves

There’s a certain level of anxiety that builds up before a wedding, no matter how confident you are in your partner and your planning skills. There’s a lot of pressure when you invite everyone you care about to witness your make an enormous commitment! Seeing your partner for a first look before the ceremony can help calm your nerves (and theirs).

Con: It Can Be A Bit Awkward

A first look is practical, but it can feel a bit forced. You and your partner might feel pressure to have a particular reaction — “Where are your tears?!” — or otherwise feel strange about having such an intimate moment with a photographer capturing the whole thing. Inviting your wedding party can make the experience nice as well.

Pro: It’s Just You And Your Partner

On the other hand, a first look allows you to share the moment with your partner and your partner alone. (Yes, there’s a photographer, but you’re not in front of a whole crowd of guests.) There’s something special about taking time to breathe and just be with your special person before all of the festivities start.

First look or not, this is a special moment in your life. There’s no way you’ll forget the look on your partner’s face the first time you see them, so don’t stress this decision too much. Enjoy!

Written by: Kimmy Foskett